There have been times in my life, I have tried to lie to myself, tried to fool myself, tried to pretend to myself, things were not as they seemed. I attempted to live in this denial, in not wanting my circumstances to be as I saw them.
Life has a way of throwing wrenches in our paths, blindsiding us, distracting us, causing us to falter and fail in many ways. These wrenches could be the loss of a loved one, the end of a career, the betrayal of a friend, the rejection from others, failed expectations in relationships, or the inability in living up to our own standards. (You fill in the blanks, we all have them.)
Many times, in my humanity, I found myself struggling against the ways of God, feeling this tug of war in my heart, ripping and tearing at the very fabric I had carefully woven into a tapestry called ‘My Life’.
I have discovered, that during those times, it was only when I ceased all struggles, when I learned the process of letting go of all resistance, when I released my hold onto the tattered threads I found myself clinging to, was when I became aware of a deeper sense of myself, a self, desiring something more.
I discovered an inner awareness of what the truth was in my circumstances. I knew I had to let go, let go of wanting, desiring, or pleading for things to be different. I knew I had to let go of what I wanted it to be, of what I tried to make it be, of what I tried to control it to be.
It was then I became aware of needing to live in the Truth of what was. This Truth became a deep place of knowing, a place of realizing, a place of accepting, a place of my entering into the honest reality of the situation I found myself in and learning to live there.
It was in those moments, in the facing of Truth, in the knowing, I could feel the facade fading away, the pretending being dissolved and I was able to melt into the world of acceptance of what was.
It was in those moments, I found myself able to reach out from the depth of my soul, crying out to the God I knew, the One Who Holds all Life, the one who could lift me up to walk in the midst of any difficult road I found myself in, the One who would Provide me His Grace that would Sustain me in living out this acceptance, that I could enter into His Rest of what was.
It was in those moments I found refuge in His Holy Presence and I came to an inner awareness things would be alright. It was then, I knew, He would walk with me, as I Centered myself in Him, and it was then I learned He remained Faithful and True in all His ways. It was then, I felt with all assurance, it would be in Him, I would find the ability to walk in this Truth, sustained by a supernatural source, His Holy Spirt.
It was then I discovered a Liberty and Freedom in letting go and walking in Honesty and Truth before myself, and before my God. It was then I learned that sometimes facing the truth is a tough lesson, but a necessary one in finding the path in the acceptance of what really is. It is in finding this place of accepting of what is, that I have also discovered there is a strength discovered in this process. It is in this place I was given the ability to walk in the midst of my situation with courage haven risen within me. I have learned in knowing and accepting the truth in my life, there is a freedom where I no longer have to live in a denial mode, and I am able to live in my Full Identity and Authenticity in who I was created to be!
Lorraine Taylor – Lay Minister – Servant of the Most High God!
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